Healing the Inner Critic with IFS Therapy in Detroit, MI

We already use “parts” language on a daily basis. There is a part of me that really wants to go to that concert but there is another part of me that wants to save money. Internal Family Systems (IFS) takes that framework to apply to our mental health struggles such as self-criticism. That little voice that chimes in to remind you of that embarrassing thing you said five years ago. IFS therapy can help this inner critic turn down the volume.

What is IFS Therapy?

Internal Family Systems that treat our minds many “parts”. Each part of the system has its own job, feelings, and ideas. Often times the parts job is to protect us or avoid something it doesn’t want us to feel or look at. Parts can often work together and sometimes clash. Like our part that wants to go to the concert but the other wants to save money. IFS used the idea of self-energy to help these parts cool off. Self-energy is when we are feeling most connected and compassionate with ourselves. Learn to work with not against your parts. NPR also recently did a great article about IFS. https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety

Three Types of Parts:

Managers: These are the planners and protectors like the inner critic. Other examples are perfectionism, people pleasing, and caretaking.

Firefighters: These parts can be challenging to connect with as they often express behaviors, we find most painful to address. When things are getting intense these parts jump in to distract. This can look like substance use, dissociation, or self-harm.

Exiles: These little nuggets are usually our most vulnerable hurt parts. They often hold deep emotional pain. Managers and Firefighters can be protective of exiled parts. These parts hold grief, abandonment, and negative beliefs like not being loveable or good enough.

Why Does The Inner Critic Get So Loud?

Remember critic is a manager part. Its job is to keep us away from emotional pain. Critics don’t want us to take risks because that means we could get hurt or fail at something. That comes across as having high expectations for self or focusing on doing better. Critic parts can feel harsh and keep us in a cycle of self-doubt despite its protective intentions. IFS therapy works to find compassion and connection to parts.

Ok I Get it Nick, But How Do I Make It Stop?

1. Recognize when the inner critic is driving the car. Do you notice it during that important meeting or after a conflict with a loved one? Pay attention to what triggers this part to get loud.

2. Get Curious. My clients will tell you I say it over and over again. Try to be curious and compassionate with your parts! Instead of ignoring or shutting it down. What would it be like to engage with this part? What does this part need you to know? What is it protecting you from? Admittedly it can feel odd to “talk to yourself” but if you can allow the weirdness of it and get to know the part. You may be surprised by what will happen.

3. Send Some Appreciation. Even if the approach is not your fave. Once you can simply say thank you for protecting me and validate its concerns. Often times this is enough to help parts soften. Again, yes, it’s weird AND try it anyway!

4. Invite that Self-Energy In. Self-energy is central to IFS work. You are naturally compassionate, confident, and capable. You can use this energy to let the critic know it can take a step back because you can handle whatever comes up. Help critic explore what It would be like to do something else besides be in heavy protection mode all the time. This comes with building trust with the critic.

5. Job Change. What would the critic part do if it did not need to protect you? As you build the trust, send appreciation and self-energy to critic it can start to explore what it would rather be doing. You may notice it becomes gentler in its feedback. Often times parts want to rest or be creative or playful. They have been really hard for a long time and need a break!

How can IFS help you?

1. Increased self-compassion: View yourself kinder lens

2. Boost Confidence: Able to take risks and feel more capable

3. Improve Relationships: With this improved compassion and confidence, you are more likely to experience healthier connections with people.

4. Reduce Anxiety or Trauma Triggers: As the inner critic is able to take a step back this creates space for a sense of calm within the system.

Final Thoughts

Using IFS in sessions with my clients has been a cornerstone of my practice. IFS has been the one type of therapy to strengthen self-compassion, connection, calm, and courage within clients. It brings a deeper understanding of self that can alter client’s mindset permanently. While parts may not disappear (that is not even the goal is IFS work), they can learn to sit on the sidelines and allow your most genuine self to lead the way. So, start talking to yourself today and see what you notice!

Click here to learn more about IFS and schedule a consult to see if IFS is right for you!